My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
