In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she told me i tasted like america
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
