How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
