Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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