that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
