The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
