remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
