Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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