Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
