porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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