I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
