Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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