dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
