This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
