You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
