maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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