apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
