I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
