I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think my moral compass just broke
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