what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
