we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
