I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
