i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
