i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
