so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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