so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ketchup is God's man juice
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
