I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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