My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
