His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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