Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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