hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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