I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
