shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
