I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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