Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can you bring me the toilet please
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
