Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
