happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was confusing and full of hummus
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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