That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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