member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
