I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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