Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
