I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
