Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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