Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
