when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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