I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
