Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
