Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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