Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
