shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
