so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
