At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Help me help you realize you are a moron
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
