My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
