Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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