The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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