meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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