My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How external is "for external use only"?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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