I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
