hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
try to milk me bitch
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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